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to love and not be loved
By Stephanie Teo
i've been having a rough couple of weeks lately =[
see, there's this guy i've been friends with for quite some time and i only started noticing recently that i sorta liked him. its weird though, cuz its not like any crush ive had before where everytime i see him, i get all nervous and flushed and shy; its more like this deep ache because i know that he can't feel the same way about me. this really hurts because i care so much about him; he was there for me and i feel so comfortable around him. we can talk about nothing for hours and i dont need to feel embarrassed about saying how i feel and just being myself around him. he's not drop-dead gorgeous but hes just so amazing and sweet and funny and i can't help but to fall in love with every aspect of him. hes my picture of perfection and it hurts to know my feelings probably can't be returned, and god knows that if he wasn't in a relationship of any sort, i would date him in a heart beat. i want something to happen so badly, but i know my chances are pretty slim. if he gave me the slightest hint, the vaguest idea that MAYBE, just MAYBE i had a chance, i would take it without question. i haven't told him about this for fear that i might freak him out and screw up the relationship, but i can't deny how i feel. everytime he smiles and laughs at our jokes and hugs me in between classes, it hurts me inside to know that the little things like having his arms around me for just a few brief seconds will mean more to me than it ever will to him. i wish to god things were different and there was someway for me to forget, but i will always love him, more than he'll ever understand. we say that we love each other almost everyday, but he'll never know that everytime i say it, i seriously mean it. if god meant for me to fall in love with any one single person for the rest of my life, i have a feeling it was always meant to be him. he'll never know how much i care about him, but i'll do whatever it takes to not lose the close friendship we have right now, even if it means we can never be something more. ----------------------------------------------------------- Have a read of the above. Think I wrote that all by myself? HAHAHAHAH you wish! I found it somewhere on the net, and it's called "It hurts to love and not be loved back". Sounds something like what most of us have been through. The females especially. I'm not going to point out to whom it happened to but I do have to say, I've been through that and it sure hurts so much to the point that you feel like cutting yourself to ease the pain. I know that I've said I will never go as far as self-mutilation to help me feel better, to let go of the pain that contained in you…angrily trying to break free. I did actually. And I regret it. I got scolded for that and I knew better to not do it again because, other than people who do not care, there are at least one or two people who cares. Then again, when you are all alone and you just cannot let it out on anyone, you just feel like hurting yourself. I'm not alone in this, am i? I'm pretty sure there are a lot of us who feels the same. Why am I saying all these anyway? Well, apparently I am feeling all shitty now. I drove 160km/h on the road. The music blasting through the stereo and I just felt like crashing the car somewhere! I don't know where but just anywhere!
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Contributor's Note
this was my writing published in my blogger during February this year. At that time I was crazily in love with this one guy.. but sadly he did not feel the same. I thought I might give this a try as my first intel in qassia =)
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This intel first appeared on: http://styliz-me.blogspot.com/2008/02/find-me-and-show-me-what-do-y...
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